The best engagement present I received. Maybe the best gift I have ever received period. The 5 Love Languages is a book by Gary Chapman and has taught me about myself, my needs, my desires and even more importantly, about my significant other’s needs and desires.
This is how the publisher describes the book and I could not have said it better myself:
Between busy schedules and long days, expressing love can fall by the wayside. We forget to compliment, to give gifts ‘just because,’ to linger in our embrace. The things that say ‘I love you’ seem to either not get said or not get through. This is a book about saying it—and hearing it—clearly. No gimmicks. No psychoanalyzing. Just learning to express love in your spouse’s language.
The 5 Love Languages has transformed countless relationships. Its ideas are simple and conveyed with clarity and humor, making this book practical as it is personable. You’ll be inspired by real-life stories and encouraged by its commonsense approach. Reading this book feels like taking a walk with a wise friend. Applying it will forever change your relationship—starting today.
The 5 Love Languages , Gary Chapman
In my opinion, this book is just as important, if not more important to insert into your life when your relationship is in a great place. It will make it that much easier if you ever get into a rough patch and could help you avoid that ugly place all together.
Below is my personal love language profile and a short description of each aspect. I actually took the online quiz here first and then read the book. You can do it whichever way you prefer, but I felt by doing it that way, I had a better understanding of each language while reading and how it related to the scores I received online. The highest number being the most impactful and a score of 1 being the least.
9 – quality time
TV off, cell phones hidden, distractions minimized. Give me all the me + you time!
8 – acts of service
“Let me help you with that”, “I’ll start the laundry”, “I’ll go take out the trash” – these things make me feel an overwhelming love than I can’t even express. It may be weird to some people, but for me, this speaks volumes and makes me feel incredibly appreciated and loved. Laziness isn’t tolerated.
8 – physical touch
Not allll about the bedroom, although that is part of it! Every day when I get home from work, I stand up on our couch (because I’m short AF) and give Taylor a HUGE bear hug (cheesy, sorry!). I look forward to these bear hugs every day and even when Taylor is on a call or working we make sure it is one of the first things we do after any time apart. Back rubs, hand holding – gives me all the feels! I like to say “we have to be touching at all times” and although I say it in a joking way, I really love having even one of our limbs touching while we are working on our laptops, watching TV or doing anything side by side. The feelings of safety and comfort are comparable to that of a baby security blanket.
4 – words of affirmation
“Actions don’t always speak louder than words.” The folks who score high on this one usually love unsolicited compliments.
1 – receiving gifts
This doesn’t always = materialism but also emcompasses the love, mindfulness and thoughtfulness behind the gift. A missed birthday, anniversary or any key event would be heartbreaking to the folks who score high here.
It is common to have more than one high score, and I have three that are basically equal with Quality Time being the slight front-runner. The lowest scores indicate the languages that are least likely to affect you on an emotional level and that you rarely use to communicate your love for one another.
For me, I could care less about gifts, so this is spot on. I would rather take a trip with Taylor or turn off all devices for half the day to spend time together than receive a gift from him. For holidays, we never buy each other gifts, but plan a trip instead. It may not work for you if receiving gifts is your love language, but it is successful for us and the concept of love languages is all about what works for you and your relationship.
If the concept is interesting to you, here is a link to buy the book on Amazon:
If you buy this book, do me a favor and make it the gift that keeps on giving. Read it, learn from it and pass it on to someone that needs it: a newly engaged couple, your parents or even another couple that has been together for 20 years!
We can all improve the love we show to the most important people in our lives and this is one that I hope will enhance your life in the wonderful ways it has proven to improve mine.